Two nights ago, I had a much-needed conversation with someone who’s become an invaluable constant in my life. It was probably the most meaningful conversation we’ve had in a while and I was truly glad it happened. It was beautiful in that it came unplanned, at a time when I needed it the most. At the end, through the confessions and the encouragement, the tears and the smiles, I was left with a myriad of feelings. Prime among them was GRATITUDE.
I read through our conversation again and realised it might have been a message for me to acknowledge and appreciate everything that has happened in my life this year – the good, the bad, the ‘in-betweens’. This last month has been a tough, stressful, almost depressing one for various reasons, the majority of which I’m glad to have overcome. I realised that, in the end, life is really what you make of it and things eventually fall into place when you let them.
This year has been filled with moments that have marked me in great ways. I celebrated the accomplishments and the victories – both major and minor. I made choices and decisions that left me feeling either great or bad; never indifferent, for there was always a reaction to the results. I shunned the low times, those moments of disappointment and failure that left me feeling inadequate and less than worthy. I put them all in a box and hid them in a place where I wouldn’t see or be reminded of them, as I tried to remain positive at all times. In my moments of reflection last night, however, I realised that this may have been a mistake.
As much as I wanted everything in my life to be perfect, I had cheated myself of being whole. For me, living life had meant focusing only on the good and ignoring the low times. I had cheated myself because I did not stop to accept the beauty that lives within that which I had qualified as bad, and discarded from my thoughts and daily existence. I had lost out on lessons I could have learned on picking myself up and gaining strength even from my weaknesses. I had ignored the very essence of being human: my infallibility.
The beauty of introspection is that it helps you to see things in a new light. It guides you through the process of identification, acknowledgement, reassessment and then action. Through each stage, you keep learning and growing from the experiences. I have identified, acknowledged and reassessed everything and have decided to act upon the things I have control over and can change. I have resolved to accept responsibility for my choices and their consequent results; to accept the not-so-good moments and things in life instead of discarding them.
This does not mean I will be holding on to things that might drag me down. Accepting them means dealing with them in a mature and constructive way; it means seeing the light within the darkness, the good within the bad… and where there’s no good, accepting the bad for what it is. It means living with the duality of life and taking its complete package. This is what living whole has become for me and I’m grateful for the moment it dawned upon me.
Gratitude… it keeps coming back every year and I know it is true. I am truly grateful for life and everything it brings; for love from the special people in my life; for the support and encouragement from family, friends, acquaintances and even complete strangers; for trust, belief, hope and faith; for tenacity and strength at the times I needed them the most; for the simple things that have made this year worthwhile. I am grateful to everyone who has been with me on this journey as a writer and blogger, faithfully reading and motivating me to do even better. The experience would have been different without you all and I really hope that it is as worthwhile for you as it is for me.
A new year is here and I pray that God sees us all through our plans, wishes and dreams if they are what’s best for us. As I pray for you, I ask that you also keep me in prayer as I go through a very crucial period of my schooling. I am confident that, by God’s grace, I will emerge victorious and we shall all celebrate together. As this year comes to an end, I share these few lines that I wrote a few months ago. They aptly describe how I feel at present.
Thankful for all He’s given, all He’s taken back, all He’s yet to give and take and for that which He shall give and leave with me through the rest of my days. For what was, what is and what will be, I’m grateful.
I wish you all a happy and blessed new year. Here’s to many more years of sharing and interacting with you all. God bless.