Spiritual Dilemma

I hear his voice calling out loud
Rolling my name around his tongue
Seductive whispers, a softness that’s hard to resist
Yet loud enough to drown out all other voices
Of reason, of sanity, of maturity and spirituality
A jealous lover, yearning to have me all to himself
To hold tight and together, explore forbidden lands
Blanking out all consciousness; my mind his prisoner
Lust blinding my vision, so he’s all I see.

Seconds of rationality tell me to halt and revert
Retrace my steps and keep to the straight path
A path of righteousness that’ll gain me eternal favour
One void of regrets, disgust and shame
But I give in to the temptations of my flesh
Subsequently owned by that which I own
Desire overpowers me, the voice of reason fades
God’s forgiving nature, I take for granted
As I get closer to my short-lived pleasure.

I descend from the euphoria, my Eldorado slipping away
My sight focused on a flash of revelations
A spectrum of darkness and evil, a life of sin
My heart closed to the privileges of His mercy
Facing Him for forgiveness, my unconquerable jihad
Stripped of my worth to enter into his presence
Yet aware of his mercy, beckoning me forth
A reminder that all sinners, He does forgive
But even that status, I dare not claim.

My being resonates with fresh resolutions
Not any different from the ones before them
Certainly made to be broken, discarded and forgotten
Afterall, I am only human, most fallible
A thought to console me, rejuvenate my hope
From the cold embers of that burnt-out passion
An urge to answer his lustful call
A desire to be righteous and deserving of mercy
This is my spiritual dilemma!

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