I grew up wondering why you had left us
The signs were there, but I was too young to notice them
There were many firsts in the days that built up to your departure
I just took them in and wished they would die… fast
That wish has grown with me to this day, the yearning growing stronger.
The news would be broken to us by another and I felt cheated
My emotions jumped on one of the crazy rides, taking me with them
We rose and fell, going through moments of fear, bitterness, betrayal and anger
Sometimes I would see you; other times I would go to bed disappointed
Eventually, I was convinced that things were never going to be the same again.
In my moments of victory and success, I would yearn for your presence
With you, I had learnt to celebrate my accomplishments with no fear
I would watch as my peers would speak fondly about their own
My memories of the early years with you were beautiful, but not enough
Most times, what I wanted more than anything, was just to have you back.
We went through the years… close, yet far away in our own world
The bonds between us had a third figure… an obstruction
One that made us feel we could have you only at specific times
We made it work and blinded our vision to the ugly times
All because deep inside, we still hoped for better.
Better would come, even if in a different way from what we had perceived
You needed us then, for it seemed all else had turned away from you
We felt an obligation towards you, but our loyalty wavered
It did not stop us from being there when you needed it
But we came with heavy hearts and sometimes unwilling souls.
I look back at all that’s happened and try to make the best of it
Your absence gave us great lessons and taught us to be courageous
Your occasional attention helped us realise that we were still loved
I see you now and catch that glimpse of regret in your eyes
One that yearns to recover its gems and guard them safely.
I do not forgive easily and it may be a trait I picked from you
Through this new phase, I’ve fought with you and questioned your relevance
However, I remember the great times and how you made me feel
And I’m convinced that everything happens for a reason
Thus, I’m ready to give you a second chance, knowing it shall get better.