I think life should come with a book to guide all the lost and confused souls walking this Earth. This is not just wishful thinking; these are thoughts inspired by days spent dreaming and some nights spent staring at the ceiling. Some would call it a quarter-life crisis but I choose to consider this as my arrival at one of the many crossroads on the path towards fulfilling my purpose. That is my attempt at keeping a positive mindset to help me navigate these relatively rough waters and emerge on the other side with my sanity intact.
Five years ago, I left for Morocco to study for a University degree. Those are probably the longest five years of my life yet and they are filled with stories and lessons that will remain with me for a very long time. Living away from my family and practically surviving on my own helped in my personal growth, each experience moulding, strengthening and preparing me for an independent and fulfilled life. There, I learnt to make my own choices and accept responsibility for their outcomes, good and bad. That journey ended recently with great success and life has dealt me another one of its cards.
Sometimes, we take the succession of events in our lives for granted, especially if we did little work to make them happen. Other times, we are confronted with barriers and obstructions to our carefully laid-out plans, which draw us back in and prompt us to reflect and reorganise to permit a smooth ride. When I got my degree, I hopped on a plane and returned home, ready to work for a year and then leave again for graduate school. This was, and had always been, my plan. It was going to be easy, I thought. Things would flow naturally and I will just ease back in with little hassle, I thought.
I’ve been home for three weeks now and I’ve got to say it’s not been as simple as I had pictured in my rainbow-coloured head. I must admit, however, that where people at this stage usually complain about a lack of options, I am faced with the daunting task of making the best choice from the ones I’ve been presented. For some, this is a privilege and I recognise that with much humility but it would be unfair to accept that it has been easy for me. Making the right choice and letting go of all the other great ones is one of the most confusing things I’m dealing with right now, but it still has to be done if I want to move from this stage to the next. Who said growing up would be easy, anyway?
It is even more challenging when this situation is not just limited to my professional activities, but touches on my personal life as well. I feel like I’ve been offered a chance at a new life, a clean slate and it is up to me to decide who/what appears and stays on it. Making these choices also means taking stock of where I’ve been, where I am and where I am headed. This, too, won’t be easy and might leave me with more emotions to deal with than I can handle at a time, but isn’t that what life does sometimes? We live, we learn, we grow from our lessons, move on to new experiences and go through the cycle all over again. I do not know if I’m fully ready for all of these changes, but I remind myself that there is no need to rush into anything and that things will eventually fall into place as the days go by.
I stand at a crossroads, looking at the different pathways lying ahead of me and left with the task of choosing one of them. Like Frost, will my feet lead me to the one less taken? Will I go where there are still footsteps from those who had been in this place before me? Better yet, do I have the choice of creating my path, filling it with all that I desire from the ones that already exist? This latter would be the ideal choice for me because it would reconcile the thoughts from my head with the desires from my heart, possibly leaving me happy and content. It is the path I am most likely to explore.
I blog about this to make sense of my thoughts and share this new journey I am on. I am certainly not the first, neither will I be the last to go through this phase in life. I am also cognisant of the fact that this is only one of the many challenges I will face as I continue to grow and progress on this journey towards becoming a whole woman. Therefore, I share my fears, my doubts and all the random thoughts while hoping to find kindred spirits to learn from.
Writing this also helps me to assess my progress and be constantly reminded of who I am, what I am worth and what I am meant to be/do/have in this world while I’m still given the opportunity to live. It is a journey of self-evaluation, much introspection and of course, a lot of learning and practice. In the end, I hope it will be worth it for me and for everyone who will be a part of it.